The anti-smartphone campaign is in full effect.

There's this recent photo project capturing moments of smartphone distraction, there's the "phone stack" dinner game where the first person to look at their phone has to pay the bill, families are instituting bedroom bans, buying cell phone lockers, and even throwing dinner parties where guests are asked to put their phones in a box at the door.

All this is pointed at one noble idea: reducing distraction, aka the nemesis of mindfulness. 

Distraction means you're in a million other places but here. In the digital age, where everything you could ever need is a finger tap away, it's way too easy to get distracted.

But I'm going to tell you something that you may not want to hear: IT'S NOT YOUR SMARTPHONE'S FAULT.

Your phone is just a tool. It can connect you to people near and far. It allows you to share a piece of your life with your friends no matter where you are. It's a newspaper, a scrapbook, a journal, a map, a camcorder, a dictionary, a translator, a market, a travel agent, a TV, a stereo, and yes sometimes it's even a phone. It has a lot of power. 

With great power comes great responsibility. But that responsibility is yours and yours alone.

You can use your smartphone as a distraction, taking you out of your conversation, away your dinner with friends, an escape from real life, an abrupt end to your mindfulness.

Or you can use your smartphone to connect on a deeper level. It can be a phone call, a video chat, or sharing a moment with your friends. You can use it to set up a dinner with friends or to map out your after-dinner destination. Your phone is there to look up a yoga schedule to find your zen or even to read this blog so you practice your mindfulness.

Both possibilities and both uses of smartphones exist. It all depends on how you use this amazing tool. It all depends on YOU.

There's all this power sitting there in your pocket. As you go through your day today, will you choose to use that power for good or for evil?

Life is one big personal renovation. Even in that rare moment when I think I've got it all figured out, there's always some part of me that could be fixed up. In my renovation, being mindful about what I can and cannot control is a long-term project.

It's like this... 

• I can only control what I wear, it's not up to me if you continue to wear those unsightly late-90's cargo shorts (kidding! mostly);
  
• I can only control the way I drive, it's not up to me if you don't choose to use your left turn signal in a through lane;
  
• I can only control what I post on social media, it's not up to me if you choose to "like" it or not;
• I can only control my own actions and reactions, I cannot control any of yours.
  

It's easy to get dissapointed when people don't react the way we want them to. We let the particulars of our world--where we're coming from--dominate our ability to understand the particulars of someone else's world--where they're coming from.

I get frustrated sometimes too, but I keep trying and I keep learning. Starting small always works best. 

I stuck a post-it note in my car that says *CHILL*. It reminds me that I can't control the bad drivers out there, I can only control my reaction to them. The high blood pressure isn't worth it, just *CHILL*. And that small seed of mindfulness begins to grow like a flowering vine, blooming and creeping to overtake my reaction to everything from work, to exercise, to Facebook, my health, my friendships, even how I react when my dog won't stop barking. The anger, the doubt, the anxiety, none of that is worth it, just *CHILL*.

Everybody on this planet is different. The more we learn to be mindful of our reaction to those differences--to be a little more *CHILL*--the more happiness we create, for ourselves and for the world around us.

I believe in balance.

There's a yin and yang to life. Sometimes you're happy, sometimes sad. The summer is hot, the winter is cold. One year it floods, the other brings a drought. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. 

I know this might seem clichéd and basic, but typically... most of the time... if you're patient... things even out.

That balance is as much a part of the natural order of things as it is a part of your mindset. In the middle of the yin of a depressing time it's hard to imagine that the yang of happiness exists, but if you can take one moment to realize that this too will pass, that's the one moment of hope that will set you on the path towards joy again.

Expecting balance is one thing you can do to stay present. Pursuing balance directly is another way to help get you there.

You get to determine the path you will take every day. You get to choose whether or not your life has balance.

There are three paths... you could give into all of your desires and eat fried chicken, cheeseburgers, and poutine every day. You could also torture yourself eating only quinoa, kale, and tofu. OR you could strike a balance, learning to enjoy fresh vegetables for all their benefits while also allowing yourself to enjoy life and indulge in a gravy soaked french fry once in a while.

Three paths... you could spend all day updating, commenting, liking, favoriting, and reading articles on Facebook and Twitter. You could also cut yourself off from the world, ignoring messages from friends and the day's news. OR you could strike a balance, using social media to connect and engage but then turning it off when it becomes a distraction and it's time to get work done.

Yin and yang. Life in balance. Everything in moderation.

When you decide to strike a balance, when you make a conscious effort to enjoy both sides of life without overdoing either, that balance slowly becomes the norm. The extremes of your life that caused guilt and anxiety are washed away by your new, even, easygoing, balanced mindset.

It seems many have been clamoring for an alternative to the ubiquitous Facebook monster lately.

It's not just the gay/drag community getting up in arms about the Facebook "real name" policy, or even the start-up social network Ello that became alternative du jour this week, receiving praise and rage in the process. 

Those are just recent flare-ups in a fire that's been smoldering for some time.

The real malaise comes from a sense of unease social media seems to create. It's providing bits of personal information, in the form of "likes," that are used to sell advertisements. It's visiting a website that can foster both good and evil, and feeling like evil wins out way too often. It's all the moments of social disruption it spawns--the FOMO, the distraction, the arguments, the jealousy, the anxiety.

Jumping to an alternative social network won't solve all of those problems though. No well-meaning manifesto claiming to make it all better will ever, actually, make it all better. Ello might very well be a better alternative, but it can also very easily become yet another digital distraction. 

Social media encourages people to sit behind a computer and watch the world go by. At first it makes you feel connected because it makes it easy to keep in touch with friends, both near and far. But it also makes it way too easy to be passive in your social life. In that laziness, in watching the world go by without you, you end up feeling more alone.

I can't tell you which social network is the best at making you feel more connected and less of a commodity. That's up to you.

But I can tell you how to break from the malaise that will eventually come from every social network: go engage in the real world. 

Don't sit at your computer and bemoan the fact that everyone is having fun but you. Go make a plan. Go to dinner with someone. Go join a group. Go out to a public event. 

Don't sit on an app and complain that the information you meant to share with friends is being turned into an ad. Go out and share that information directly with them in the form of an actual conversation.

The strength of your friendships is up to you, whether any of them follow you on a social network or not. So don't blame Facebook for your malaise. Be proactive, get out there, and change it.

Jealousy, worry, doubt, regret... they've all been around for a while. Throughout history they've caused personal angst, lover's quarrels, and international wars. Philosophers and psychologists, from Buddha to Nietzsche, have pontificated on these themes. They're the mental banes of our shared existence.

Today, we feel the pain from a slew of digital headaches: social media anxiety, FOMO, online procrastination, comments section arguments, notification distractions. None of these are anything new though, they're all rooted in the same problems that've always dogged us as a society.

So if these feelings always existed, why do they feel particularly overwhelming now?

The problem is our amplified digital world. The ubiquity of technology makes everything loud. It puts every image into a spotlight, every voice on a bullhorn, every difference of opinion in front of your face:

• Everything your friends do is immediately shared, you don't have to wait until you hang out to catch up.
  
• Every news story is immediately discussed, you don't have to wait for the evening news or morning paper.
  
• Every opinion is immediately published and immediately commented on, you don't have to wait for the editorial page response.

Maybe waiting to hear the news gave us social beings a little extra time to be thoughtful. Maybe our brains haven't evolved to handle today's onslaught of information immediacy.

The digital world is like putting a magnifying glass on the real world. We zoom in so close--focus so narrowly on quick soundbites and status updates--that we lose context and patience and presence. And like a magnifying glass, the extreme focus creates heat. If we spend too much time on one point it'll set fire to our sanity.

We fight back against the loudness of today's amplified world by being present. 

I know I know, easier said than done. I'm certainly not immune to these hold ups, but I am working on it. Here are 3 simple things I try to do every day to quiet the noise of the digital age:

1. Instead of refreshing that newsfeed over and over (and over) again, close the browser and log out of the app for at least two hours a day. Notice the freedom you feel when Facebook isn't always in the background tempting you with puppy pics and oh-so-clever Buzzfeed lists.
   
2. Instead of immediately posting a picture of every moment, look up at the world around you and smile. Notice how your mindset changes when you sit and enjoy a sunset rather than think of it only for its Instagram filter potential.
   
3. Instead of allowing your phone to buzz at you for every little update, turn notifications off. Notice how your phone becomes less of a burden and more optional. Notice how light it feels when you're not constantly distracted by it.

The thing about the internet is, it'll always be there. Instead of expecting to constantly share and be shared with, you can choose to make it a treat. You can choose to use it when you want to use it, instead of letting it use you.

The problems of worry, doubt, and regret will always be around in one form or another too, whether we use social media or not. It's how we handle them that gets us to place of mindfulness, or really, a place of happiness.

A wise woman once shared a mantra with me. It's one of happiness and love. There are different versions of this to be found on the internet, but here it is as I learned it.

You start by blessing those you love:

Next you bless everyone, whether you love them or not:

Then you finish by pointing this back to yourself:

The only person you can control is you. The only Facebook rant reaction you can change is your own. The only comment board opinion you have power over yours. 

You're in charge of your mood. You're in charge of the path you take. 

The energy you send out into the world is up to you.

I believe that when you do good, when you hand out smiles instead of scowls, peace signs instead of birds, hugs instead of hatred, that those acts are addictive. Others pick up on them and return the favor or pass it along.

This mantra doesn't necessarily change the safety, strength, or happiness of others. Just as you're in charge or your reaction, everyone else is in charge of theirs. 

This mantra simply reminds you to change your viewpoint. Start putting happiness out into the world and then maybe, just maybe, that happiness will point back at you.

Every Friday at 5pm, for the past 4 or so years, a calendar alert reminds me of this little mantra. I repeat it a few times to remind myself to spread happiness. To do so even when I'm stressed, even when I'm angry at someone, even when I don't want to smile.

Happiness inspires happiness. All the peace I wish for the world and for myself can found right here within me, as long as I'm willing to put it out there.

Take a moment out of your day, your week, your month, to wish the world some happiness. Do it in a prayer, a mantra, or simply a kind thought. I doubt we'll create world peace, but hell, it's a start.

It seems at least a few times a month I hear from someone who's considering a digital detox.

You look at the current world: notifications, apps, websites, emails, gmails, texts, tumblr, twitter, tinder, facebook, secret, instagram, hangouts, facetime, games, youtube, netflix, stream this, download that.

And then you look back to the days before all ^that^. Just 10 years ago we lived in a world that, for the most part, existed right in front of you instead of through the looking glass of the latest fad digital device.

There's a lot of problems to be found in today's digital world:

1. Addiction. That first "like" or "retweet" is like the first hit of a confidence boosting drug. It feels pretty good, so you want more. You start to think about every comment and every post, carefully crafting your online image to ensure maximum attention. You start to need those likes, and when you don't get them, you're depressed. 
   
2. Loneliness. When you first join Facebook it's exciting. You've found a way to stay in touch with old friends and learn about new friends. But somehow, that experience becomes alienating. Rather than encouraging the growth of friendships it seems to give people a pass to be passive and take friendships for granted.
3. Jealousy. The "grass is always greener" mentality has always existed, but on social media everyone is able to show off their grass so much more readily. They process it through a saturation, HDR-boost filter, making it seem extra green, extra shiny, extra perfect.

So you're stressed out, depressed, lonely, pissed off. Time to cut the digital cord, right? WRONG.

Long before the Internet existed, Buddha had this to say about it:

Deleting your Facebook account is like chopping off a huge limb of a tree. It immediately feels lighter, it lets the sunlight in, it's refreshing. But the roots, the problems you found in Facebook, they're all still there. The tree will grow back, you'll either reactivate your account or find another similar outlet. The addiction, loneliness, and jealousy continues.

Digital detox is a purge after years of binge. It's going from one extreme to another without dealing with the root of the problem.

Why not take a moderate approach? Take some small steps every day to prune the tree of our digital addiction:

• Turn off notifications. Stop the constant barrage of pings and vibrations that distract you from real life and tempt you to dive back into the digital world.
• Logout on your phone. This'll stop the notifications too, and place a small barrier between you and the lure of the digital distractions that await you on your device. 
• Turn off your phone for a few hours every day. Give yourself a break. Give yourself a chance to be present.
• Close the browser on your computer for a few hours every day. Only use your computer for soulful activities like writing.
  

Start small and trim the tree a little bit at a time. The more you do it, a little bit every day, the easier it gets. It becomes a pattern, a habit, the new norm. The craving for that digital hit becomes less and less. You replace it with a desire to experience real life.

My monthly challenge for August was to turn off notifications for non-essential apps. In September, I'm going to take this one step further: I'm logging out.

I'm not going to delete my Facebook account, I actually enjoy it and friendships and other connections I have there. But I also don't want it to be a distraction. I don't want it to feel consuming, to be the first thing I do when I'm bored and the last thing I do at night. I want trim the tree a little every day -- make my social media use smaller, more casual.

For at least 2 hours every day I'm logging out of Facebook and Instagram. Just a small pruning. Just a little a barrier between me and distraction. 

I challenge you all to do the same. Give it a try for one month, start with something small and easy. If at the end of the month it's made no difference in your life, then by all means log back in and let your phone buzz at you. Either way, you'll learn something about yourself. No harm no foul. 

#UNPLUG

Staying home is easy, it's familiar, it's what you know. Your bed, your pillow, your neighborhood, your friends. Go ahead and build that nest around you. It's the support and foundation you need to push yourself to new heights.

Travel is also important. It gets you out of your comfort zone. You meet new people, learn about new cultures, taste new cuisines. You see life from a different perspective, and hopefully it changes your own perspective as a result.

But like many things in the digital age, travel also creates a mindfulness dilemma. Everybody's carrying a device in their pocket that has the ability to take pictures and immediately share them with the world. Instead of telling your friends about your trip when you get home, you can tell them in real-time. 

It's truly groundbreaking, but it's also a burden. Constantly connecting to the digital world when you could be exploring the real world is like lugging around an extra heavy suitcase.

Every time you pause to post a status update about your experience, you're stopping that experience in its tracks. When you're physically in an exciting new locale - relaxing on a tropical beach, exploring a beautiful city, spending quality time with family and friends - why would you want to mentally be somewhere else?

Mindfulness isn't something you only practice at home or at work, it's a way of being. Travel is perhaps the most important place to find mindfulness. 

I'm not saying you should never post an update from your vacation. In fact, post as much and as freely as you want. Just avoid social media when it takes away from the experience itself.

I choose to travel light. I'll make a conscious effort to stay in the moment. Sure, I'll post a Facebook/Twitter/Instagram update from time to time, that's the age we live in, but never at the expense of my experience. 

If you really want to relax when you travel, then be there... live, in person, wherever you are with whomever you're with. Explore your new surroundings with all your heart. Soak up every moment. Make it count. You can always log on and share the moment with your friends later.

How do you stay mindful when there are so many shitty things going on in the world?

I've been asking myself this question a lot over the last few weeks, or really for as long as I can remember.

In our competition to survive and succeed, we've divided ourselves into different cultures, races, religions, orientations, genders, and classes. Most people celebrate that diversity, learn from our differences, and work to break down barriers. Other people use those divisions to judge, profile, hate, fight, and kill.

This has been happening for centuries, but right now it feels like a fever pitch: Syria, Iraq, Gaza, Israel, Ukraine, Malaysian Airlines, civil rights violations, extreme poverty, and the silencing of dissent just to name a few internationally. Here in America, we have almost regular mass shootings, child refugees protested at our borders, an intensely divided and confrontational government, marriage inequality for gay and lesbians, innocent people murdered because of racial profiling, and civil unrest and division in Ferguson, New York City, and all across the country as a result.

The digital age amplifies these conflicts. In the past your information was limited to the local paper and the nightly news. Today you can turn on the TV or Facebook to find articles, disturbing videos, opinions, and arguments 24/7.

More information can be a good thing, but it can also be overwhelming, especially when that information is tragic.

With so many problems in the world, some say that mindfulness is a selfish endeavor. Traditional mindfulness meditation can involve cutting yourself off from the world to meditate in solitude, and I agree, that's quite selfish.

Separating yourself from reality is an act of ignorance. We are all trying to survive and find happiness in this world together. That's why an injustice to one person is an injustice to all as a society.

Mindfulness, at least the way I see it, helps us to accept all the good and all the bad that we are feeling. You don't fight negativity by pretending it doesn't exist, you observe it, and that's how you learn to change it.

The same goes for the problems of the world. Negativity exists, violence exists, murder and mayhem and atrocities exist. We're seeing it all over our newsfeeds. Through mindfulness you can choose to get angry about it and carry that as baggage, or you can use your knowledge of those problems to create awareness and change.

When you do that, your personal mindfulness becomes a global mindfulness. You find hope in our collective outrage. You use the same groundedness you find in yourself to create a more grounded world.

It happens with each of us, one interaction, one smile, one click to educate yourself, one act of kindness, one call to your congressmember, one day working in your community at a time.

The collective power of those who care is stronger than the power of those who incite. The battle is ours to lose.

There's an episode of 'I Love Lucy' where Ricky wants to show his friends a slide-projector show of their recent vacation, but much to his dismay they all keep falling asleep. I know they were dozing off for comedic effect, but I suppose they also weren't interested in hearing about the fun time the Ricardo's had on the trip because at that point, weeks later, it was old news.

These were the pre-FOMO days.

People have always been jealous of one another, Lucy and Ricky's fictional friends included, but these days the diversions of our friends are much more in-your-face than they were in the past. In the digital world of instant sharing, everyone can be immediately aware of what you're up to and then can be immediately jealous that they weren't a part of it. 

Most people stick to sharing positive moments on Facebook, so you end up hearing a lot about the good times. That encourages you to compare your life to there's, and whether you're doing your own exciting things or not, some of us fall into "the grass is always greener" trap.

So what do you do when a friend posts that they just had the best day ever? You have two options, and the choice is entirely up to you. 

You can choose to:
(1) be jealous / angry that you missed out on the fun, OR
(2) be happy that your friend is happy.

When you've got that FOMO-feeling, it means you're not present -- instead you're worried about what you missed, regretting that you decided not to join, doubting the strength of your friendship. 

But just because they had a fun time doesn't mean you can't have a fun time too. And just because they bonded with other friends doesn't make your friendship with them any less significant. 

If you truly love your friend, and I hope you do, seeing them have a fabulous day should give you joy, whether you were a part of that best day ever or not.

There is room in this world for more than one laugh, more than one friendship, more than one epic weekend. Enjoy your life where it is, right now, and then go make your own plans for the next best day ever. 

#nofomo

This week, Facebook began requiring everyone to use the Messenger app to send messages from their phone, replacing the all-in-one Facebook app most had been using. A conversation about this with a friend really got me thinking...

The Messenger app has a proclivity to repeatedly encourage users to turn on app notifications. I get what they're doing, they want this app to be a replacement for the basic text message, a stand-alone means of instant communication. It's always on, notifying you of every little message, goading you to constantly look at your phone so you can giggle at the latest clever communiqué from a friend.

But is this really necessary? Do we need to be always on?

Consider this scenario: you're at dinner with a friend, phone in your pocket, having a great conversation, connecting with another human being. You are present and living in only that moment. But then your phone buzzes because of a new Facebook message. It immmeadiately interrupts your mindfulness. You wonder, "was the message important? Should I check my phone? When is a good time to check my phone? Do you think my friend will mind if I check my phone?" With that one little buzz, you are no longer present, you aren't really at that dinner, and the friend your dining with has no idea.

Mindfulness tells us to live in the moment, but when your notifications are always on you're always one buzz away from distraction.

Notifications are making us less mindful, so I've decided to turn notifications OFF for the month of August.

I encourage anyone who wants to find more mindfulness in their life to do the same.

I'll still get notifications for calls and texts, because those are used to communicate more immediate needs. But Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Instagram, Gmail, and Twitter are all going silent. Nothing that anyone says through those mediums ever requires my immediate attention, yet for years I've allowed them to immediately interrupt me whenever I get an email or a like.

Make August your month of mobile mindfulness. Stop letting those notifications get to you whenever they want. You'll get to them when you get to them.

In this vast universe we call the internet, there will always someone to criticize or bemoan something. They are often bloggers (oh hai!), claim to be reporters, or sometimes they're even one of your Facebook "friends," but they're really just contrarians. 

Why are they stating things that are so easy refutable? The answer is simple: money. It's an advertising strategy pioneered by the likes of Drudge on the internet, Coulter in the newspapers, and Fox on the TV.

What they're giving you is not an opinion geared to spur public discourse and improve society or government - it's an effort to get more clicks/likes/shares by bucking the popular opinion, fudging the facts, eliciting anger from the masses, and creating arguments on comment threads and shared Facebook posts. 

Clicks/likes/shares/arguments = $$$

Your initial reaction is to get angry and spend your time formulating an angry response. But when you respond you're playing into their money-making scheme.

Don't do it. Don't feed the beast.

Observe your anger, shrug it off, and move along.