There's More to Life Than *Likes*
12/10/2014
We post a status update to make a statement, hoping to start a conversation, hoping to make them laugh. We upload a photo of our view, hoping our friends will take a look, hoping they'll find it as beautiful as we do. This our modern form of passive communication. We're all just looking for our place in the world. Some sign that the people we find interesting find us interesting too. That they want to talk with us and share the view. That they get us, agree with us, like us. But this passive form of communication--hoping, waiting, expecting digital validation--it's not mindful. It takes you out of the moment. Instead of being where you are, now, you turn away to focus on others, out there. You begin to place your expectations on them and, in turn, conjure up anxiety and doubt as you wait for that all-important *like*. So, as you go about your digital life, repeat this mantra: there's more to life than *likes*. A *like* is not a measure of genuine friendship. A *like* is not love. A *like* is a passive reaction to what could be a very active thought. How a person reacts to any post is entirely subjective. Maybe they find your post funny, clever, or enlightening. Maybe it awakens an angry spirit of disagreement. You can't control that. You shouldn't attempt to. Repeat: there's more to life than *likes*. Even if they do enjoy the post, a digital *like* may not be their reaction. I've come to understand this even more so from writing this blog. Friends who never *like* or otherwise acknowledge a single Mindfulness Now post on Facebook, will tell me, in person, how an update really resonated with them. Their reaction was more personal than a public *like* might suggest. That's because: there's more to life than *likes*. Waiting for others to validate your digital life is a trap. It encourages self-editing and dishonesty. It pushes you to create a persona rather than be the person you really are. Don't fall for it. You are the only validation you need. Be yourself, be honest, share what you want, and then let it be. I struggle with this issue myself. Most of us do. We're all seeking a connection, hoping to be understood, struggling to be heard. When I feel bogged down, searching for validation from my digital existence, I try to take a step back and very mindful deep breath. I remind myself: there's more to life than *likes*. A *like* is an illusionary sign that what you posted is valuable, but in the end all that really matters is that it is valuable to you. Scratch Below The Surface
12/4/2014
It's no secret that most people stick to posting positive things on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and we don't need scientific research to prove the depressive effect that can have on us (though here are some anyway). I'm guilty of being a part of this myself: I post smiling selfies and news about accomplishments, I don't usually take to Facebook to complain. But truth be told, if you scratch below the surface you'll find there's a lot more going on than what you see through the lo-fi photo filter of digital life. I post smiles because they make me happy during the difficult times. I choose to dwell on the good things in life as a cure-all. Glass half full and all that. But on the other hand, there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sad. It's completely natural and everyone does sometimes... sometimes a lot... sometimes a lot more than they let off. My point is, if you're feeling blue don't let the happiness of others get you down even more. We all have a lot more going on in our lives than you will ever see on a silly social network. Pull back the curtain and you'll find we're all on this same insane roller coaster called life. It's Not Your Smartphone's Fault
11/25/2014
The anti-smartphone campaign is in full effect.
There's this recent photo project capturing moments of smartphone distraction, there's the "phone stack" dinner game where the first person to look at their phone has to pay the bill, families are instituting bedroom bans, buying cell phone lockers, and even throwing dinner parties where guests are asked to put their phones in a box at the door. All this is pointed at one noble idea: reducing distraction, aka the nemesis of mindfulness. Distraction means you're in a million other places but here. In the digital age, where everything you could ever need is a finger tap away, it's way too easy to get distracted. But I'm going to tell you something that you may not want to hear: IT'S NOT YOUR SMARTPHONE'S FAULT. Your phone is just a tool. It can connect you to people near and far. It allows you to share a piece of your life with your friends no matter where you are. It's a newspaper, a scrapbook, a journal, a map, a camcorder, a dictionary, a translator, a market, a travel agent, a TV, a stereo, and yes sometimes it's even a phone. It has a lot of power. With great power comes great responsibility. But that responsibility is yours and yours alone. You can use your smartphone as a distraction, taking you out of your conversation, away your dinner with friends, an escape from real life, an abrupt end to your mindfulness. Or you can use your smartphone to connect on a deeper level. It can be a phone call, a video chat, or sharing a moment with your friends. You can use it to set up a dinner with friends or to map out your after-dinner destination. Your phone is there to look up a yoga schedule to find your zen or even to read this blog so you practice your mindfulness. Both possibilities and both uses of smartphones exist. It all depends on how you use this amazing tool. It all depends on YOU. There's all this power sitting there in your pocket. As you go through your day today, will you choose to use that power for good or for evil? *CHILL*
11/20/2014
Life is one big personal renovation. Even in that rare moment when I think I've got it all figured out, there's always some part of me that could be fixed up. In my renovation, being mindful about what I can and cannot control is a long-term project.
It's like this...
It's easy to get dissapointed when people don't react the way we want them to. We let the particulars of our world--where we're coming from--dominate our ability to understand the particulars of someone else's world--where they're coming from. I get frustrated sometimes too, but I keep trying and I keep learning. Starting small always works best. I stuck a post-it note in my car that says *CHILL*. It reminds me that I can't control the bad drivers out there, I can only control my reaction to them. The high blood pressure isn't worth it, just *CHILL*. And that small seed of mindfulness begins to grow like a flowering vine, blooming and creeping to overtake my reaction to everything from work, to exercise, to Facebook, my health, my friendships, even how I react when my dog won't stop barking. The anger, the doubt, the anxiety, none of that is worth it, just *CHILL*. Everybody on this planet is different. The more we learn to be mindful of our reaction to those differences--to be a little more *CHILL*--the more happiness we create, for ourselves and for the world around us. Stop Stressing About Stress
11/6/2014
We have a tendency these days to overemphasize stress.
When life gets overwhelming--the to-do list is long, 20 tabs open, traffic is taking forever, inbox is overflowing, notifications keep pinging--we chalk it all up to stress. And then we stress about the stress, making life feel that much more stressful. Our definition of "stress" is largely a modern concoction. Google "define stress" and you'll notice its use over time has increased dramatically in just the last few decades. We only recently learned to blame the normal busyness and anxiety of life on stress. By giving it a name we made it a target, one we can now obsess over until we create a whole new layer of anxiety that didn't exist before. It's time to stop the stress cycle. Look at what's worrying you--the to do list, the notifications, the emails--look 'em square in the eye. Don't get angry at them or frustrated with them. Just acknowledge them. Say, "wassup?" Then... carry on. You don't cure stress by stressing about it. Dwelling on it is a waste of time and only makes it worse. You cure stress by mindfully, calmly, happily, continually, deliberately, moving forward. This is mindfulness. Observing all the personal, professional, local, and global items on your ongoing to-do list, and instead of "stressing" about those items, just do them. Stress is a part of life, but life is only stressful if you let it. Exercise Your Mindfulness
10/29/2014
Learning any new skill takes practice and exercise, mindfulness included. I recently learned a simple exercise from the very clever Ruby Wax. It's called CUES.
Focus your attention on your breathing whenever a specific environmental cue occurs. Here's how I've been using it: whenever I get an unexpected text notification, I use that cue as a reminder to bring my attention into the present moment for a few breaths. Choose any cue that works for you. "Perhaps you will choose to become mindful every time you look in the mirror. Perhaps it will be every time your hands touch each other, or every time you hear a bird chirp." I've played around with using the hourly NPR news recap as a reminder. The options are endless and individual. If you're already focused on the present when a mindfulness cue hits, that's great and carry on. It isn't to distract you from the present, it's to snap you back to the present when your mind might otherwise be spinning in every other direction but now. You Do You
10/24/2014
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson I consider the fostering of interpersonal connections (aka friendships) to be an exercise in mindfulness, and a pretty important one. It's usually about logging out of the digital distraction world to be with someone in the real world or about having someone who will be there with you when times get rough. Scanning my blog I found the friendship theme all over the place: in the ups and downs of life, the inadequacies of our "social" media, and the scourge of depression and suicide. But a number of my friends have recently (and rightly) pointed out that this type of solution doesn't work for everyone. Many people don't have close friends they feel comfortable running to. Many have experienced shunning and even ridicule from friends when they do. I have some great friends who I love dearly and have been there for me in all sorts of situations. As I found those friends I also found out a lot about myself. But despite all of that, I have to keep reminding myself of one important fact: my well-being isn't up to my friends, it's up to me. Fostering good relationships can help you be more mindful, but overreliance on them to solve all your problems is not. They will never be the solution. The solution is you. It's you making a choice to react to the outside world in a constructive way. It's you building up your capacity to handle life's inevitable drama. It's you spending time to better yourself instead of procrastinating with useless distractions. My advice still stands; there's an enormous benefit to building strong relationships, especially in this day and age where technology simultaneously brings us together and pulls us apart. Just don't get all codependent about it. Take some me time. Be alone--at home, out in nature, on a run, during yoga, on a long drive, part of a meditation, wherever--be present with your thoughts. Write to yourself. Listen to yourself. Learn from yourself. When all is said and done, you're all you got. And that's actually kind of awesome. It seems many have been clamoring for an alternative to the ubiquitous Facebook monster lately. It's not just the gay/drag community getting up in arms about the Facebook "real name" policy, or even the start-up social network Ello that became alternative du jour this week, receiving praise and rage in the process. Those are just recent flare-ups in a fire that's been smoldering for some time. The real malaise comes from a sense of unease social media seems to create. It's providing bits of personal information, in the form of "likes," that are used to sell advertisements. It's visiting a website that can foster both good and evil, and feeling like evil wins out way too often. It's all the moments of social disruption it spawns--the FOMO, the distraction, the arguments, the jealousy, the anxiety. Jumping to an alternative social network won't solve all of those problems though. No well-meaning manifesto claiming to make it all better will ever, actually, make it all better. Ello might very well be a better alternative, but it can also very easily become yet another digital distraction. Social media encourages people to sit behind a computer and watch the world go by. At first it makes you feel connected because it makes it easy to keep in touch with friends, both near and far. But it also makes it way too easy to be passive in your social life. In that laziness, in watching the world go by without you, you end up feeling more alone. I can't tell you which social network is the best at making you feel more connected and less of a commodity. That's up to you. But I can tell you how to break from the malaise that will eventually come from every social network: go engage in the real world. Don't sit at your computer and bemoan the fact that everyone is having fun but you. Go make a plan. Go to dinner with someone. Go join a group. Go out to a public event. Don't sit on an app and complain that the information you meant to share with friends is being turned into an ad. Go out and share that information directly with them in the form of an actual conversation. The strength of your friendships is up to you, whether any of them follow you on a social network or not. So don't blame Facebook for your malaise. Be proactive, get out there, and change it. Jealousy, worry, doubt, regret... they've all been around for a while. Throughout history they've caused personal angst, lover's quarrels, and international wars. Philosophers and psychologists, from Buddha to Nietzsche, have pontificated on these themes. They're the mental banes of our shared existence.
Today, we feel the pain from a slew of digital headaches: social media anxiety, FOMO, online procrastination, comments section arguments, notification distractions. None of these are anything new though, they're all rooted in the same problems that've always dogged us as a society. So if these feelings always existed, why do they feel particularly overwhelming now? The problem is our amplified digital world. The ubiquity of technology makes everything loud. It puts every image into a spotlight, every voice on a bullhorn, every difference of opinion in front of your face:
The digital world is like putting a magnifying glass on the real world. We zoom in so close--focus so narrowly on quick soundbites and status updates--that we lose context and patience and presence. And like a magnifying glass, the extreme focus creates heat. If we spend too much time on one point it'll set fire to our sanity. We fight back against the loudness of today's amplified world by being present. I know I know, easier said than done. I'm certainly not immune to these hold ups, but I am working on it. Here are 3 simple things I try to do every day to quiet the noise of the digital age:
The thing about the internet is, it'll always be there. Instead of expecting to constantly share and be shared with, you can choose to make it a treat. You can choose to use it when you want to use it, instead of letting it use you. The problems of worry, doubt, and regret will always be around in one form or another too, whether we use social media or not. It's how we handle them that gets us to place of mindfulness, or really, a place of happiness. UNPLUG, Realistically
9/5/2014
It seems at least a few times a month I hear from someone who's considering a digital detox. You look at the current world: notifications, apps, websites, emails, gmails, texts, tumblr, twitter, tinder, facebook, secret, instagram, hangouts, facetime, games, youtube, netflix, stream this, download that. And then you look back to the days before all ^that^. Just 10 years ago we lived in a world that, for the most part, existed right in front of you instead of through the looking glass of the latest fad digital device. There's a lot of problems to be found in today's digital world:
So you're stressed out, depressed, lonely, pissed off. Time to cut the digital cord, right? WRONG. Long before the Internet existed, Buddha had this to say about it: “From craving grief arises, Deleting your Facebook account is like chopping off a huge limb of a tree. It immediately feels lighter, it lets the sunlight in, it's refreshing. But the roots, the problems you found in Facebook, they're all still there. The tree will grow back, you'll either reactivate your account or find another similar outlet. The addiction, loneliness, and jealousy continues.
Digital detox is a purge after years of binge. It's going from one extreme to another without dealing with the root of the problem. Why not take a moderate approach? Take some small steps every day to prune the tree of our digital addiction:
My monthly challenge for August was to turn off notifications for non-essential apps. In September, I'm going to take this one step further: I'm logging out. I'm not going to delete my Facebook account, I actually enjoy it and friendships and other connections I have there. But I also don't want it to be a distraction. I don't want it to feel consuming, to be the first thing I do when I'm bored and the last thing I do at night. I want trim the tree a little every day -- make my social media use smaller, more casual. For at least 2 hours every day I'm logging out of Facebook and Instagram. Just a small pruning. Just a little a barrier between me and distraction. I challenge you all to do the same. Give it a try for one month, start with something small and easy. If at the end of the month it's made no difference in your life, then by all means log back in and let your phone buzz at you. Either way, you'll learn something about yourself. No harm no foul. #UNPLUG Travel Light
8/21/2014
"When you travel lightly, you're freer, less burdened, less tired. This applies to life, not just travel." ~Leo Babauta, ZenHabits.net Staying home is easy, it's familiar, it's what you know. Your bed, your pillow, your neighborhood, your friends. Go ahead and build that nest around you. It's the support and foundation you need to push yourself to new heights.
Travel is also important. It gets you out of your comfort zone. You meet new people, learn about new cultures, taste new cuisines. You see life from a different perspective, and hopefully it changes your own perspective as a result. But like many things in the digital age, travel also creates a mindfulness dilemma. Everybody's carrying a device in their pocket that has the ability to take pictures and immediately share them with the world. Instead of telling your friends about your trip when you get home, you can tell them in real-time. It's truly groundbreaking, but it's also a burden. Constantly connecting to the digital world when you could be exploring the real world is like lugging around an extra heavy suitcase. Every time you pause to post a status update about your experience, you're stopping that experience in its tracks. When you're physically in an exciting new locale - relaxing on a tropical beach, exploring a beautiful city, spending quality time with family and friends - why would you want to mentally be somewhere else? Mindfulness isn't something you only practice at home or at work, it's a way of being. Travel is perhaps the most important place to find mindfulness. I'm not saying you should never post an update from your vacation. In fact, post as much and as freely as you want. Just avoid social media when it takes away from the experience itself. I choose to travel light. I'll make a conscious effort to stay in the moment. Sure, I'll post a Facebook/Twitter/Instagram update from time to time, that's the age we live in, but never at the expense of my experience. If you really want to relax when you travel, then be there... live, in person, wherever you are with whomever you're with. Explore your new surroundings with all your heart. Soak up every moment. Make it count. You can always log on and share the moment with your friends later. #nofilter
7/29/2014
The digital age makes us all a bunch of dirty liars.
Wait, that was a little harsh. Let me filter that... The digital age provides us with an unprecedented level of anonymity when we communicate, making it really easy to bend/hide the truth. Yep, that was a bit less offensive... Using a personal filter on social media like Facebook can feel like a relief -- you don't have to worry that a sad post will get you labeled a 'Debbie Downer,' or worry about creating an argument if you post your real opinions, or worry about annoying your followers with yet another selfie or dog photo (sorrynotsorry). Filtering this way makes your life seem easier, but it's really not -- the only reason you're editing yourself is worry. When you spend all your time filtering, it means you're not spending your time in the present. Of course, the best way to be mindful is to enjoy real life and not post anything at all. I do this from time to time and some people have chosen it as a way of life, which is admirable. But for most of us, we try to find a balance -- we want to utilize this social platform that has the power to connect us in new and amazing ways, but do so without going mad with worry, doubt, and regret. There is mindfulness to be found in social media. In it's simplest form, it's a place for every one of us to share a little bit about our current state of mind -- a thought we have, a moment we capture in a photo, an article we find particularly meaningful -- it's our now. Observing and sharing a little, honest piece of yourself is mindful. And when you observe the honest thoughts from each of your friends, you learn from that shared experience. But it doesn't always happen that way. When you think about filtering your life you begin to wonder how many others have thought the same. Instead of mindfulness, social media starts to feel scattered and lonely, like one big digital tabloid. Tailoring your interaction to avoid a touchy subject isn't something that magically appeared with Facebook and Twitter. Not to long ago we called that tact. But then as in now, a real friend will love you enough to hear your truth. Anyone who's offended by your honesty is not worth the worry. Don't filter your life away. Be honest, here, right now, yourself. #nofilter Shrug It Off
7/10/2014
In this vast universe we call the internet, there will always someone to criticize or bemoan something. They are often bloggers (oh hai!), claim to be reporters, or sometimes they're even one of your Facebook "friends," but they're really just contrarians. Why are they stating things that are so easy refutable? The answer is simple: money. It's an advertising strategy pioneered by the likes of Drudge on the internet, Coulter in the newspapers, and Fox on the TV. What they're giving you is not an opinion geared to spur public discourse and improve society or government - it's an effort to get more clicks/likes/shares by bucking the popular opinion, fudging the facts, eliciting anger from the masses, and creating arguments on comment threads and shared Facebook posts. Clicks/likes/shares/arguments = $$$ Your initial reaction is to get angry and spend your time formulating an angry response. But when you respond you're playing into their money-making scheme. Don't do it. Don't feed the beast. Observe your anger, shrug it off, and move along. RECLAIM YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA
7/2/2014
There's been a confluence of events for me recently on Facebook. I've felt the negativity that can come from comparing my life to others. There was that video many people shared exposing a fake social media presence. I've sadly seen instances of people using Facebook to tear down one another in my newsfeed. Then there was that surreptitious Facebook study that manipulated newsfeeds to measure the effect of negative posts (is anyone really shocked that negativity breeds negativity or that Facebook manipulates your newsfeed?). Worst of all is the negativity that can come from everyday life - non Facebook life, real life - which reared it's ugly head for me too. It made me view my own happy-go-lucky posts through a new filter and question their utility in the grand scheme. Does Facebook make us so narcissistic that we will say or post anything for attention? Are we merely advertisement vessels, pawns in money-making scheme? Are we reaching out into a social media abyss, grasping for validation and one more blue packet of aspartame love that we call a "like"? There's nothing wrong with questioning the utility of Facebook, exploring the negative consequences of our growing dependence, distancing yourself from it when it feels overwhelming, or even quitting altogether if you decide it's not for you. But contrary to the reaction most might have to the distresses and dramas I just outlined, I feel more emboldened than ever to use this platform. Instead of fretting about what others post, what negativity it may breed, or kind of power Facebook has taken in our world, it's time for us to reclaim our social media. The power we think it wields - the power to create depression, to upend relationships, to make us feel jealous or lonely or unloved - that power only exists if we allow it. These problems are a reaction to what others do on Facebook, but our reaction to everything in life is entirely up to us. I'll use FOMO (fear of missing out, for those without Google) as an example, since it's one I personally encounter. During the last few weeks I, and some people I love dearly, have endured a terrible, life-altering event. My mind was consumed with the two battling emotions of grief and contemplation. But even as I dealt with a real life tragedy, the siren of Facebook beckoned. I thought of a million things to post, some bleak, some meditative, but very few found their way to my timeline. In those that did, I tried my best to show both the negative and the positive sides of the situation, or really, of life. As I performed this balancing act, attempting to express my true feelings without overburdening my friends with sadness, I quietly observed the posts of others. This is where the FOMO kicked in... smiling selfies, adorable puppies, cute kids, promotions, achievements, concerts, memes, clever comments, observant quotations, parties, birthday parties, pool parties, parking lot parties, fun, funner, funnest. My initial reaction was FOMO, jealousy, and even some anger. How dare they have such a good time when there's so much sadness in the world! Or really, how dare they when there's so much sadness in me. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually I remembered that this was a reaction of my own creation. When posting about happiness it is no true friend's intention to make everyone else sad. Their happiness is just that, my reaction is up to me. I can choose to feel jealous or I can simply feel happy for my friends while they enjoy a good life. I can choose to assume their posts are secretly all about me or I can remember Facebook is merely a format sharing a small piece of your life with the world. I can choose to let worry and regret of what I'm missing out on control me or I can be present where I am and allow everyone else to do the same. The problems we now blame on Facebook always existed. People were boastful or jealous; some people were happy and some were sad; some people tore each other down and others lifted each other up. Facebook didn't create this, it just provided us with a new platform to express these feelings. Digital age or otherwise, how you react to the sometimes horrible and sometimes amazing world we live in will always be your choice. Facebook gives us the option to hide/unfriend those who tear each other down or the option to engage in retribution. It gives us the power to spread light or darkness. We are ultimately in charge, it has no power on it's own. What we choose to share and how we choose to react to what others share is entirely in our own hands. Reclaim your social media. It's yours and it always has been. |
Access Octomono Masonry Settings
blog searchauthorMy name is Jason Wise. Life's all about the journey, man. Find me on Instagram and Facebook. archives
May 2020
categories
All
subscribe |