Rolling Waves
11/14/2014
For the first time tonight I saw something else - I saw it all differently.
I realized, the ocean isn't zen because it's piece of nature or because its sound is calming. The ocean is zen because it's a metaphor for life. I sit here watching the waves glimmer in the moonlight. Each one crashes in like a fleeting thought. Each demands all of our attention with its bluster, impossible to ignore. For that moment there is no other wave, no other thought. The white foam of the wave lingers and pulls in deeper. It spreads out on the beach of our mind and envelops the entire surface. A moment of calm, a meditation. That moment is the present, the only thing that matters. But then, just as quickly as it arrived, it fades away back into the sea, back to gray. Life goes on, the future awaits. Sometimes a wave crashes in that makes us forget any other wave ever existed. But even those most momentous of waves will disappear just like the rest. New waves, new thoughts, new moments, crash in to become our new present, the new only thing that matters. We can't hold on to an old wave we wish would linger a little longer and it's useless to worry about what type of wave may come in the future, all we can do is accept the wave that exists right now - let it wash over us, learn from it, feel the calm that comes from accepting it as it is. Then wait for it all to change again, for life to change again, as the next wave crashes in. How to Stay Balanced
11/11/2014
I believe in balance.
There's a yin and yang to life. Sometimes you're happy, sometimes sad. The summer is hot, the winter is cold. One year it floods, the other brings a drought. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I know this might seem clichéd and basic, but typically... most of the time... if you're patient... things even out. That balance is as much a part of the natural order of things as it is a part of your mindset. In the middle of the yin of a depressing time it's hard to imagine that the yang of happiness exists, but if you can take one moment to realize that this too will pass, that's the one moment of hope that will set you on the path towards joy again. Expecting balance is one thing you can do to stay present. Pursuing balance directly is another way to help get you there. You get to determine the path you will take every day. You get to choose whether or not your life has balance. There are three paths... you could give into all of your desires and eat fried chicken, cheeseburgers, and poutine every day. You could also torture yourself eating only quinoa, kale, and tofu. OR you could strike a balance, learning to enjoy fresh vegetables for all their benefits while also allowing yourself to enjoy life and indulge in a gravy soaked french fry once in a while. Three paths... you could spend all day updating, commenting, liking, favoriting, and reading articles on Facebook and Twitter. You could also cut yourself off from the world, ignoring messages from friends and the day's news. OR you could strike a balance, using social media to connect and engage but then turning it off when it becomes a distraction and it's time to get work done. Yin and yang. Life in balance. Everything in moderation. When you decide to strike a balance, when you make a conscious effort to enjoy both sides of life without overdoing either, that balance slowly becomes the norm. The extremes of your life that caused guilt and anxiety are washed away by your new, even, easygoing, balanced mindset. We've all been there.
It's that day, that moment, when everything suddenly feels overwhelming. It's like that inbox you've been neglecting. The notifications are piling up for weeks, months. So many that it's almost too much to handle. You don't even want to handle. You literally can't even handle. It's the inbox of real life, and the messages have been piling up for some time: the to do list has gotten way too long; the little inadequacies you see in yourself keep interrupting; the friends you want to be there for you don't seem to be around. Every slight, every hesitation, every agitation piling up until one day, one moment, it boils over. We've all been there. I've been there, quite recently. Clichédly speaking, life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes the ups are higher than you can ever imagine, sometimes the downs really fucking suck. Knowing this will happen to you once in a while--knowing we've all been there--that doesn't make it any easier, especially when you're in the thick of it. When you're feeling overwhelmed, pissed off, shitty, I say just feel it. Wallow in it. Don't put on a fake smile. Don't push yourself to pretend everything is fine. Just cry, scream, be angry. This is all days, if not weeks, of pent-up negative energy you've been putting off, ignoring, pushing to the side. When you allow yourself to feel it, when you're present in your emotions, that's when you can begin to process it. Write down how you feel. Verbal diarrhea all over the keyboard. Say it all. Say the things you've been meaning to say to yourself for years. Say the things you'd never ever tell another soul in your life. Get it out there, for yourself. Reread it. Marinate in it. Talk to the people you love, because we've all been there. Send an text, make a call, go out to dinner. Maybe you think they won't understand. Maybe they actually won't understand. Who cares? If they love you they will care. That doesn't mean they'll react the way you want them to or have the advice you're looking for. In fact, they might only have horribly naive advice to give. But at least they're sitting there across from you, listening, wishing you the best. Having someone to talk to, even if they have nothing to say back, it's cathartic. The truth is, once you allow yourself to wallow, marinate, process, and express your emotions, you feel... relief. Not that the problems themselves have gone away. Nope, they're all still there. But what you get from directly facing them is perspective. The fog clears, just a bit, and you begin to see a path forward. You see the potential. You get the energy to do something about it. We've all been there and we'll all be there again. I can't tell you whether it will be easier or harder the next time around. But we can learn from this bout in the ring. We can learn to tackle our problems head on instead of letting them fester. We can learn how to be better people in the process. #FAIL
10/10/2014
I put out a lot of advice on this blog about living a mindful life--to stay in the present, to realize the things you can and cannot control, to let go of worry and regret.
But here’s a NEWSFLASH: I'm terrible at following my own advice. I regularly let my emotions get the better of me. I have a tendency to dwell on past decisions, reviewing and revising things I know I can't change. I often waste time in the present by formulating a series of "what if's" for my future. I waste even more time doing absolutely nothing, falling into the social media clickhole of mindless distraction. And once in a while I project my own issues and personal history on others, selfishly masking it as helpful advice. In many ways, this blog is here to keep me honest. When I do or say things that don't vibe with my own mindfulness mantra, it's now a lot harder for me to escape it. I'm glad for that. I haven't published a blog post in two weeks. As the days, hours, and minutes have ticked away since then, I've felt more and more guilty about it. Not that I think you're all waiting there at your computer with bated breath for my next musing. It's that I'm not doing my due diligence--I'm floating by in life instead of taking purposeful steps towards a better version of myself. That's only one example of failure. If I really wanted to get into it, I could give you a whole list of mistakes. But that's a fruitless endeavor. The best way to live your life isn't to spend it regretting a past decision, it's to learn from those decisions and then move forward as a better person. Every day is a new chance to set a better intention. Every trap you fall into is an new opportunity to get better footing. Every failure is new lesson to use in making a better decision. Nobody is perfect and nobody ever will be. The two big challenges in life are accepting that and pushing yourself to do better next time. REMEMBRANCE
9/11/2014
Remember the past,
Both good times and bad. Let those moments teach you. Remember those who've passed, Both good people and bad. Let those souls guide you. Honor the past, Remember it fondly, Do not disgrace it with sorrow. Learn from the past, Let it light the way forward, Do not dim it with regret. All those moments have sadly passed. But remember, Your moment is just beginning. The Beauty Inside You
8/27/2014
“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson The beauty, the happiness, the joy in the world doesn't come from the world. It's always there, all the time, in both the best and the bleakest. It's there on a relaxing vacation and a busy work day. It's there during a marathon run and bout with the flu. It's there in the bloom of spring and the fade of fall.
It's always there because the beauty comes from within you. You see it when you're present. You see it when you really start to pay attention. You see it when you stop worrying about the past and the future. You see it whenever you choose to see it. Stop whatever you're doing, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and see the beauty. Smile. Say hello. Isn't she lovely? Return to your regularly scheduled program whenever you'd like, but always remember that beauty, and remember to check in with her, often. Global Mindfulness
8/14/2014
How do you stay mindful when there are so many shitty things going on in the world?
I've been asking myself this question a lot over the last few weeks, or really for as long as I can remember. In our competition to survive and succeed, we've divided ourselves into different cultures, races, religions, orientations, genders, and classes. Most people celebrate that diversity, learn from our differences, and work to break down barriers. Other people use those divisions to judge, profile, hate, fight, and kill. This has been happening for centuries, but right now it feels like a fever pitch: Syria, Iraq, Gaza, Israel, Ukraine, Malaysian Airlines, civil rights violations, extreme poverty, and the silencing of dissent just to name a few internationally. Here in America, we have almost regular mass shootings, child refugees protested at our borders, an intensely divided and confrontational government, marriage inequality for gay and lesbians, innocent people murdered because of racial profiling, and civil unrest and division in Ferguson, New York City, and all across the country as a result. The digital age amplifies these conflicts. In the past your information was limited to the local paper and the nightly news. Today you can turn on the TV or Facebook to find articles, disturbing videos, opinions, and arguments 24/7. More information can be a good thing, but it can also be overwhelming, especially when that information is tragic. With so many problems in the world, some say that mindfulness is a selfish endeavor. Traditional mindfulness meditation can involve cutting yourself off from the world to meditate in solitude, and I agree, that's quite selfish. Separating yourself from reality is an act of ignorance. We are all trying to survive and find happiness in this world together. That's why an injustice to one person is an injustice to all as a society. Mindfulness, at least the way I see it, helps us to accept all the good and all the bad that we are feeling. You don't fight negativity by pretending it doesn't exist, you observe it, and that's how you learn to change it. The same goes for the problems of the world. Negativity exists, violence exists, murder and mayhem and atrocities exist. We're seeing it all over our newsfeeds. Through mindfulness you can choose to get angry about it and carry that as baggage, or you can use your knowledge of those problems to create awareness and change. When you do that, your personal mindfulness becomes a global mindfulness. You find hope in our collective outrage. You use the same groundedness you find in yourself to create a more grounded world. It happens with each of us, one interaction, one smile, one click to educate yourself, one act of kindness, one call to your congressmember, one day working in your community at a time. The collective power of those who care is stronger than the power of those who incite. The battle is ours to lose. Be the Light
8/12/2014
As a child the concepts of happiness and sadness seem so basic. Then you grow up and learn a thousand different words to describe your feelings - you realize just how complicated it all is.
It's hard enough sometimes to understand your own emotions, let alone understand those of the people you love. You'll never truly know the feelings of someone else because they aren't your feelings. The best you can do is guess based on the bits and pieces they choose to show you. This is why it's always so shocking to hear about the suicide of someone who you and everyone else assumed was happy. I was shocked when I heard Robin Williams died yesterday. We all wrestle with demons, but few broadcast it. When you're depressed the last thing you want to do is pull back the curtain and expose yourself. Doing so could open you up to more hurt. So we find safety in solitude. We lie in the trough of our mind, wallowing in our own sadness. What can we each individually do about this sadness - our own and that of others? For me, it all boils down to one guiding principle: be present. When you're feeling down, be present with yourself and your emotion, accept it, observe it. Don't fight it by pretending it doesn't exist. When you acknowledge your feelings you begin to understand them. After you first acknowledge it to yourself, go and acknowledge it with someone you love and trust. This can be tricky, but I believe one of the most important things in life is fostering the types of relationships that give you the freedom to be your true and honest self. That relationship - that truth and acknowledgement - goes both ways. You might not ever be able to truly know what is in the heart of your friend, but you can be present with them. Ask them how they're doing and be there for them when they reach out. When you're with them, be with them. Your attention, your ear, your shoulder might be just what they need right now. When you are present you can be the light that guides the way towards a better, more loving, world. We are in control over how we react to punches life throws at us. We have that power. We are in control over how we react to those we love. We have that power. With great power comes great responsibility. Use that power to create as much light as possible. No worries, Man
7/15/2014
"No worry, no guilt, no doubt, no regret." ~Phyllis Herman I like to call worry, guilt, doubt and regret my "no-no's." They're all the ways we let the world around us take us out of the present.
Worry is an especially bad violator, as I know all too well from personal experience. It's a trap even those with the best of intentions fall into. There are two ways to quickly and easily distract yourself from being mindful:
In both cases your mind is living in another time zone, away from the reality of now, away from the potential joys of today. I am a worrier. My mother tells me that when I was very young I would stand at the bottom of the slide at the playground, debating whether it was all worth it - was the fun of coming down the slide worth the risk of possibly falling off that tall ladder? My worry of (potential) danger stopped me from getting on the slide. Later in life, I started to encounter regrets from these decisions. Was I missing out on all the fun? That regret, or rather the worry of future regret, eventually caused me to start facing my fears. A little later in life when I was too old for slides, I remember climbing up the ladder to the terrifyingly high high-dive at the high school pool, plugging my nose, and taking the plunge. Way back then I recognized the folly of worry, because as much as I can think through all sorts of horrible scenarios, I also love to create opportunities for happiness. Worry would prevent me from being happy, so I had to fight to be mindful, stop worrying, and take the plunge. At its basic level, worry is the fear of the unknown. It's something we all think about on some level: Is it safe for me to go on that carnival ride? What do I want to be when I grow up? Now that I'm a grown up, why can't I figure out what I want to be? What if I sleep too late and miss my flight? What is my spouse doing when I'm not around? What will people think of me if I post this on Facebook? Worrying is putting your focus on what might happen, not what is happening. It causes you to lose focus, to forget your trust in others, to forget your hope that the world really is a good place and justice will prevail, to forget how to live in the present and be mindful. It's a slippery slope that leads to doubt, anxiety, frustration, distraction, procrastination, and eventually regret that you wasted so much time worrying about something that may never happen. Sometimes it's OK to worry - it's OK to be skeptical of dangerous things, to a point. Wen you care about someone, it also makes sense to have some concern for their well-being. Observe that worry as a sign that of love for yourself and others, give friendly advice and lead by example, but don't let that concern consume you. They have to figure out their life on their own, just like you. Worrying is a fool’s errand because the only thing you can control is what's happening right now. The better you are at being mindful and taking care of yourself in the present, the better your chances of avoiding the very things you're worrying about for the future. So ya know, like no worries, man. The "Survival of the Fittest" Myth
7/9/2014
The term "survival of the fittest" was coined by Herbert Spencer in 1864 as a new way of describing Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection. From then on, it's been used to explain everything from capitalism to sports champions. In our modern world it boils down to this: the weak die and the strong survive.
But that definition tells us we have to be a bully in order to be our best. That definition is a myth. In the real world, you don't survive because you're extremely aggressive; you survive because you can to change to meet the needs of your environment - to adapt. We're taught that the dominant wolf is the pack leader. The aggressive stock trader, the persuasive sibling, the domineering boss - they all lead by strength and manipulation, forcing others to adapt to them. In our dog-eat-dog world this self-assured attitude is wrongly revered. Despite having a strong pack leader social system, the species Canis lupus (aka the wolf) is endangered. The North American gray wolf once roamed most of the continental United States, but is now confined to the northern reaches of Alaska and Canada. The pack leader of the wolves may seem strong, but his aggressive nature is leading his pack off a cliff. On the other hand, their close relatives Canis lupus familiaris (aka the dog) are doing pretty well for themselves. After many generations, these former wolves learned how to play a clever game of submission that convinced humans to give them food and shelter, and as such they thrive. Their only real threat, other than a few cruel owners, is euthanization, but that's a problem of overpopulation and a product of their success as a species. Dogs found their true strength by being submissive. In their battle for survival, the fittest of the Canine lupus species isn't the aggressive wolf pack leader; it's the wolf that is willing to set that aggression aside. The same goes for all species. As humans, the most important method of survival is the ability to observe, learn, and adapt to your surroundings (aka mindfulness). You survive by teamwork, relationships, and yes sometimes by being submissive, so your group - your species, your family, your friends - can all survive and thrive together. That does not mean you give up all responsibility. It means you still speak your mind when it's something you know is right and just. It means you speak your mind, but it also means you listen. Sometimes it means sitting back to allow the bluster of others play itself out. A self-assured, aggressive pack leader may be right once in a while, but if they're stuck on their own opinion, not willing to mindfully observe or learn from the changes around them, then they'll be wrong most of the time. The next time someone's being an asshole just remember that their kind will fight alone and eventually become extinct while your kind... well we'll need your kind to keep adapting and evolving. Your kind is the fittest that will help our species survive. |
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blog searchauthorMy name is Jason Wise. Life's all about the journey, man. Find me on Instagram and Facebook. archives
May 2020
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